We'll Be Ok

***Disclaimer:  The following is geared towards those sheltering in place.  I understand this may not be relevant or helpful for people with a direct and personal experience with COVID-19.***

Your life has been upended.  The basic things that make up the foundation of your life have distorted beyond recognition.  You are falling through space with nothing to reach out and grab to stop your fall or even give you a sense of orientation. 

And even so, you'll be ok.

I know this because I've been there, I've lived this kind of life since I had my first stroke in the summer of 2007. 

When I first got sick, it was a terrifying and confusing time.  The causal assumptions I had made about my life and my world were put into question or shattered completely.  I found institutions, like healthcare, that I had previously believed to be infallible were failing me.  Even more frightening, my own body was failing me.  My young, strong, fit body became weak, uncoordinated, and fatigued in the literal blink of an eye.  And I knew it could get worse at any moment.  It was a fluid situation, changing moment to moment.  I had no idea when or even if I would regain a sense of normalcy.  Sometimes, the not knowing was the worst part of all of it.   

I also had so much of what made life interesting and fun taken away.  No more sports - sitting up was exercise enough.  No more reading - not until months of therapy restored some of that ability.  My artistic skill regressed and making art became merely an act of frustration.  My once booming social life was limited to short, exhausting visits from friends.   Visits that I often had to cancel last minute.  The very act of making plans started to give me anxiety as I never knew if they would materialize.    My ambitions for travel were laughable.  I lost most of my independence.  I faced countless new barriers in accessing education.  I vacillated between pining after my old life and stewing in boredom.

It was a very rough transition into a very different life. 


I share this with you because I think you may be able to relate, if not to specific details, then to the general sense of loss, fear, boredom, and uncertainty.  The fact that people the world over are experiencing this right now breaks my heart.  I see the anxiety on my neighbors' faces as they talk about "the long haul" of this pandemic and the pain in the eyes of my friends as they struggle with isolation and dashed hopes.  I feel for them as I do for myself.  But I also know that we will be ok.

Here's the thing about humans, we have an immense capacity to adapt.  Transitions are hard, sometimes almost unbearably so, but in the end, we find a new normal and thrive under our new circumstances.  If we live in an uncertain world, then we become comfortable with uncertainty.  If we have things taken away from us we find new things to fill our time and our hearts.  We start to adapt our expectations to reflect our new reality and experience less disappointment as a result.  I've done this many times over the course of my unpredictable chronic illness.  I've seen countless clients do the same as they face major life challenges and changes.  I see the evidence of the strength of the human spirit proven to me over and over again. 

So during this difficult transition, take time to be disappointed and scared and lonely.  Focus on the most pressing issues of acquiring what you need and practicing good hygiene and distancing to keep yourself and your neighbors safe.  And once these basic needs are met, once they become routine, take a breath and explore your new normal with an adventurous spirit.  Take note of what you still have.  See the opportunity in change.  Adjust your expectations.  Focus on what is important to you and figure out how to keep those things in your life with your new circumstances.  Think about how you will feel when we will come out the other side of this - perhaps a bit battered, a bit more warry, but stronger, smarter, and more prepared than we were before.